What should I ask first?
Start with three things: what needs attention now, how you and the lawyer would work together, and what information is needed before you make financial decisions. You do not need to understand every account or have decided exactly what outcome you want before asking for a conversation.
After a long marriage, divorce can bring unfamiliar responsibilities alongside difficult personal decisions. This guide is a meeting agenda, not a test you need to pass. Choose the questions that fit your circumstances and write down the answers in your own words. If a court deadline is approaching, seek advice promptly rather than waiting to complete the list.
For the broader financial issues, see divorce after 50 in Illinois.
1. What needs attention now, and what can wait?
- Are there deadlines or existing orders we need to address first?
- What decisions should I avoid making until we have more information?
- What should I accomplish before our next conversation?
Bring complete court papers and note any dates mentioned in them. Explain immediate concerns such as paying bills, access to records or a proposed agreement awaiting a response. Ask the lawyer to distinguish a legal deadline from an informal request. A conversation request does not extend a court deadline or establish representation.
2. Who will communicate with me, and how?
- Who will be my main contact, and what work will you personally handle?
- How are routine updates provided, and what response time should I expect?
- How should I raise an urgent concern or ask for an explanation?
Discuss the communication arrangement before hiring counsel. Ask about team members, planned absences and how you will learn about important developments. If you prefer scheduled calls or written summaries, say so and find out what can be arranged. This page does not promise a particular response time or that every contact will be with one person.
Illinois Rule of Professional Conduct 1.4 addresses keeping clients informed and explaining matters sufficiently for informed decisions. Read Rule 1.4.
3. How do fees, retainers and other costs work?
- Is there a charge for this initial meeting?
- What are the rates, who may bill time, and what does the retainer cover?
- When might replenishment be needed, and how often will I receive bills?
- What additional costs could arise, and how will we discuss significant expenses?
Ask for the proposed fee agreement and an explanation of anything unclear. Discuss what work is included, what could change the estimate, and how to raise billing questions. Experts, valuations, court costs or contested proceedings may affect the budget. An initial payment is not necessarily the total cost of the case; ask how the particular arrangement operates.
Rule 1.5 addresses fee reasonableness, communicating scope and rates, and different fee arrangements. Read Rule 1.5.
4. What if my spouse has always handled the finances?
- Which documents should I gather first, and how can I obtain missing information lawfully?
- How will you help me understand unfamiliar accounts or statements?
- What can we discuss now if I do not know balances or account numbers?
Bring a rough inventory of employers, banks, property, debts and advisers you know about. Mark missing figures as unknown. Preserve records you can lawfully access, and ask counsel about appropriate ways to obtain anything else. You do not need to guess passwords or make assumptions about ownership to prepare. Use the financial-preparation guide to organize what you know.
5. How should we evaluate maintenance and my monthly budget?
- What information matters to whether maintenance is appropriate in my case?
- Would statutory guidelines apply, and what could make an estimate unreliable?
- How should we evaluate expenses, employment history and possible future income?
Describe your actual expenses, employment history and time spent caring for the household. Ask how the analysis would change under different assumptions, including retirement or a return to work. Avoid building a plan around an assumed support amount or duration. The long-marriage maintenance discussion explains why a long marriage does not automatically answer those questions.
6. What happens to pensions and retirement accounts?
- What records do we need for each plan, including benefits from former employers?
- How would an agreed division actually be carried out, and who handles the necessary orders?
- What should we ask about survivor benefits, payment dates and plan restrictions?
List each benefit separately and bring available statements. Ask which questions require the plan administrator or another adviser. A settlement number does not by itself explain when funds can be used or what implementation work remains. Use the retirement-preparation section for background; plan-specific procedures need individual review.
7. Can I afford to keep the home?
- What would a buyout require, and what financing assumptions need to be checked?
- What are the ongoing costs compared with a realistic alternative?
- How would keeping the home affect accessible savings and retirement planning?
Bring mortgage information and estimates for taxes, insurance, repairs and other carrying costs. Ask how debt responsibility and lender requirements would be addressed. If the house matters emotionally, explain why; then ask for help understanding how the choice fits into your whole financial picture. The home guide provides a practical starting budget.
8. How will you help me understand a proposed settlement?
- Can we walk through what I would receive, owe and need to do under each part?
- Which figures are documented, and which depend on an estimate or future event?
- What are the tradeoffs, unresolved questions and implementation steps?
Ask to separate property, debts, support and any parenting provisions. Note when payments or transfers would occur and what could prevent them. Ask what additional information is needed before you respond. Under Rule 1.2(a), the client decides whether to settle; a lawyer should help you understand that decision. Read Rule 1.2.
9. Which questions need other professional advice?
- Do we need a valuation, tax, retirement-plan or financial professional, and why?
- Who would select and pay that professional, and what would the assignment cover?
- Which health-coverage, Social Security or estate-planning questions need a separate adviser?
Ask who is responsible for obtaining each answer and when it is needed. Identify expected costs and the information the adviser would receive. Do not assume that every financial or coverage question is resolved by a divorce agreement, or that a referral means the additional work is included in the lawyer’s fee.
10. What process fits my circumstances?
- What issues appear agreed, and which require more information or negotiation?
- Could mediation or another settlement process be useful here?
- What would litigation involve, and what could affect timing and cost?
Ask the lawyer to explain the available paths and the reasons for a recommendation. Describe any concern about pressure, safety or an imbalance in access to information. There is no need to promise agreement before understanding a proposal, and no responsible first conversation can guarantee a particular result or completion date.
A short agenda to bring with you
You can copy these prompts into a private note or print this page using your browser. Keep personal answers off public websites and use the document-sharing process the legal team provides.
- My three main concerns are: ______.
- Court papers or dates needing attention: ______.
- What I know about income, property and debts: ______.
- What I need help understanding: ______.
- Communication and billing arrangements we discussed: ______.
- Our next step, who is responsible, and the date: ______.
Before leaving, ask: “What did we decide today, what remains open, and what happens next?” Confirm whether you have engaged the lawyer and what further steps are required. For document organization, use the divorce preparation checklist.
Let’s have a conversation
Charles M. Wright is a Divorce and Family Law Attorney at Beermann LLP, serving Chicago and surrounding counties, including Libertyville, Lake County and the communities in the local guide directory. His listed office is at 161 N. Clark St., Suite 3000, Chicago, IL 60601.
You can start with a question. Request a conversation or call 312-621-9700 and ask for Charles Wright. Share contact information and names for the initial conflict check; save confidential records for the team’s instructions.